Lessons on Angst
by mishalala
Summary: Kamui and Fai being angsty vampires and some fluffy KuroFai. Rated T for some language and inferred romping!


**A|N:** I wrote this while I was daydreaming in class. Lots of disconnected dialogue and OOC-ness. I was inspired by a conversation I had with my friend about angst. Contains KuroFai and Kamui being a weirdo. No spoilers or anything besides the fact that Fai is a vampire.

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**Kamui Attempts To Teach Fai To Be An Angsty Vampire**

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"Stop smiling, blondie."

"Awww, not again… sorry Kamui-sensei."

"The next time you smile, I'll be sure to scratch it off your face."

"Hmm." Fai skillfully tilted his head in an angle that caused his hair to cover his eye, casting beautiful shadows of angst across his face.

"Very good," Kamui said slowly, nodding. "Now repeat after me: I have to run from the world…"

"I have to run from the world…"

"…I protect those I love with my life…"

"…I protect those I love with my life…"

"...I'm a damn straight angster rockin' with my bros..."

"...I'm a damn straight angster rockin' with my bros..."

"Seishirou is a fucking jackass creeper."

"Serishirou is a… hahahahahaha!" He couldn't stand it anymore. Fai's face contorted with laughing, eyes squinting. "Ow!"

Kamui licked the blood off of his elongated nails and flicked away long strands of shredded skin. "I told you not to smile," he said menacingly. "It ruins the angsty effect."

Fai whimpered and clutched his face, which had already healed, leaving no signs of his former injury.

"Now, come sit with me in that dark corner and we'll practice crying without tears nor sobs."

"But… that wouldn't be crying then, would it?"

"Who's the skilled angsty vampire here?" Kamui extended the nails of his left hand.

"Okay okay okay," Fai quickly answered, eyeing the sharp weapons on Kamui's hand. The two situated themselves on the floor, leaning against the wall.

Kamui kept one leg laying flat on the ground while the other was bent at the knee. He rested his elbow on his bent knee and ran his other hand through his hair, commencing his tearless crying without sobs. "Oh Subaru," he groaned, his face oozing with angst. "Oh my dear Subaru…"

Fai gawked in awe and clapped his hands furiously, shaking his head slowly in the process. "Amazing! Let me try!"

Fai assumed the same position as Kamui and daintily ran his fingers through his mop of blond. Looking forlornly at the ceiling, eyebrows knitted together, he parted his lips and let out an anguished moan. "Oh Kuro-puu," he whined. "Oh my dear Kuro-rin…." Feeling inspired, he thrashed his head from side to side, whimpering with great emotional distress. "Kuro-sama! Kuro-wanwan!" he yelled. He let out a noisy, exasperated sigh and allowed his head to slump, tucking his chin into his chest.

"Not bad," Kamui smirked.

"Kurooooooo-doggy!"

"Okay."

"Kuuuuuuuuroooooooooooo-kun!"

"You can stop now."

"Kuuurooo-myuuu!"

"Stop."

"Kurgy wurgyyyyyyy!" Fai shrieked in all his angsty glory.

"What the hell do you want?" Kurogane shouted as he busted into the room at the moment that Kamui was bringing down his hand to slash Fai in the face. Acting upon reflexes of lightning speed, Kurogane tackled Kamui and pinned him to the floor before Kamui was able to lay a single nail upon Fai's pretty face.

Kamui grunted, glaring at Kurogane with his amber vampiric eyes. "Get your filthy hands off me."

Kurogane grunted in response and released the vampire. "Stupid brooding bloodsucker…" he muttered. He turned to Fai. "Is that what you were calling me for?" He raised an eyebrow.

A huge smile spread across Fai's face. "Ah! Kuro-wanwan saved me!" As if he could feel Kamui's eyes shooting him in the back, Fai immediately discarded his smile and went back to looking like he had just witnessed his parents being tortured. "Hmm," he agreed solemnly, gazing at Kurogane with a tormented look. "It's all my fault…"

Kurogane stared at Fai with a confused and irritated expression. "What's wrong with you?"

"…Everyone hates me."

Somewhere in the back, Kamui was puffing up his chest in pride over his student. But of course, no one could see pride anywhere on his body if they looked. He was so soaked in angst that he was dripping all over with it. Pools of angst juice collected at his ankles. His angsty mind then drifted to Subaru…

"Come with me," Kurogane huffed as he grabbed Fai's arm and dragged him out of the room. When the two settled in a different room, he released the mage and demanded to know what the hell he was doing.

"I'm a vampire now." Fai maintained his mirthless look.

"You've been spending too much time with that guy." Kurogane suddenly slapped Fai across the face, leaving the mage on the floor, stunned.

"Wah… waaahhhh?" Fai stammered.

Kurogane then pulled Fai off the ground and engulfed him with an embrace. "Good, show some emotion." Kurogane whispered. He released the mage a bit to caress his cheek.

Fai smiled warmly.

"That's more like it." Kurogane picked up the mage, slung him over his shoulder, and walked over to the mattress, the whole time ignoring the blond's giggles and playful protests. The two then proceeded to get lost between the sheets and within each other, remembering to make lots of angsty cries, of course.


End file.
